I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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