He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
