Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
