Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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