So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
