Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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