90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
