respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night