im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY