We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
