Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM