Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  I regularly think about how cool your nickname is

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  (818): I regularly think about how cool your nickname is http://tfl.nu/glb5
  Replies (3) Good night (2118) Bad night (1210)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  you were grabbing cocks left and right

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"

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  (808): you were grabbing cocks left and right (808): you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!" http://tfl.nu/iaqo
  Replies (10) Good night (5189) Bad night (869)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.

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  (773): yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL. http://tfl.nu/d3ky
  Replies (29) Good night (656) Bad night (7649)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days

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  (973): but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days http://tfl.nu/g4qr
  Replies (20) Good night (3841) Bad night (697)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.

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  (405): I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus. http://tfl.nu/spp0
  Replies (33) Good night (681) Bad night (5574)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.

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  (630): Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself. http://tfl.nu/qlu7
  Replies (42) Good night (5940) Bad night (959)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.

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  (214): What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky. http://tfl.nu/b98l
  Replies (21) Good night (810) Bad night (3825)
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  (718): View more from New York

  I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"

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  (718): I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!" http://tfl.nu/wp1u
  Replies (29) Good night (8281) Bad night (1113)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?

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  (360): I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night? http://tfl.nu/rwph
  Replies (19) Good night (1559) Bad night (4962)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard

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  (361): When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard http://tfl.nu/jjpz
  Replies (7) Good night (861) Bad night (2676)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?

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  (314): who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night? http://tfl.nu/qhm4
  Replies (3) Good night (1899) Bad night (789)
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  (909): View more from California

  and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....

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  (909): and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests".... http://tfl.nu/4e7u
  Replies (7) Good night (3562) Bad night (822)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.

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  (520): I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people. http://tfl.nu/38n6
  Replies (6) Good night (702) Bad night (1181)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?

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  (832): I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal? http://tfl.nu/mk58
  Replies (7) Good night (1017) Bad night (432)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.

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  (202): With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase. http://tfl.nu/fzjk
  Replies (9) Good night (845) Bad night (316)

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