Are we in a gay sports bar?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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