I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I want to have your abortion
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
