ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
