thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
