So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
