Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
