my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
