Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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