I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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