My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
