If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Randomize
