did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
