I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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