I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
