mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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