I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
