T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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