That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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