Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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