guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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