It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
