Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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