I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Everything about him screamed your future.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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