My Higher Power is John Stamos
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
