just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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