He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
