i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
