i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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