I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
