you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
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NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
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He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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