booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
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