I heard we made out
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
