Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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