So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
