Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
