Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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