i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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