Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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