I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize