K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
actually, I'm a sock model
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
