I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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