His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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