i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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