I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
