we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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