What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
