Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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