There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
