Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i will never coherently bang her
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
