At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
