Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
