Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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